Intimate Tips with Dr. Mindy: How to get into BDSM & Kink Play

Have you ever wondered how kinky you are? Or what even qualifies as kink play? Technically speaking, the "simple" act of spanking is an aspect of BDSM. If you unpack it all you might be kinkier than you think!

For those who are interested in pushing sexual pleasure to the limit, I've created a step-by-step guide on how to dive into the mysterious world of BDSM. Let's begin!

1. Do your homework

I'm not suggesting that you become a connoisseur of Kink, but you do need to cover the basics and learn some lingo. It's easier to express your sexual desires if you begin to explore what they are. When it comes to kink, the first step is educating yourself.

Kink play is rapidly becoming extremely popular. This growth has led to cities developing kink-conscious communities and the accompanying educational courses. To start your journey, begin by researching what opportunities your local community offers.

If your city is less kink-friendly, don't be discouraged, there are many kink resources online. For example, listening to reputable podcasts, reaching out to BDSM veterans, or taking an online course. My biggest tip when you start your research process is keeping an open mind!

Here are a few common kink themes to get you started:

Power dynamics: This involves one partner taking a dominant role and the other taking a submissive role. ALWAYS establish a safe word, especially when engaging in power play.

Bondage: It can be extremely arousing to surrender all control. You don't need to be well-versed in the Art of Shabari to enjoy a restraint session. These prefixed bed ties or hogtie's are the perfect place to start!

Impact Play: Impact play ranges drastically in intensity. The thrill with impact play comes from the polarity of the sting of the impacting object, followed by the gentle sensation of a caressing touch. This lux paddle brings a level of elegance to the act.

Roleplay: This is just as sexy as throwing on Yandy's sexy school girl costume, or taking it outside your home. Pick a sexy scene or fantasy you would like to jump into mentally and physically. The more detailed the better and don't be limited to the bedroom on this one, it can be extremely exhilarating to take the "meeting a stranger in a bar for the first time" scene to a local lounge!

2. Time for the Sex Talk

This is where your entry point to Kink becomes more vulnerable. Now that you have dipped your toes in the water of kink play and are somewhat aware of what the BDSM world has to offer, it's time to discuss your curiosities and desires.
Many people shy away from this step altogether because they are not completely sure what they want to do or how far they are willing to go in the bedroom. That is ok! You do not have to know exactly what you're into yet.
Let's be honest, many couples shy away from discussing their sex life and in my opinion, this is a foundational and epic mistake. How is your partner supposed to know what you enjoy if you haven't told them?
Some people feel like the sex talk is a disciplinary action about all the things they do wrong. As a Sexologist, I encourage my couples to schedule the sex talk over a romantic dinner, a relaxing walk, or while sipping on a glass of wine. My tip to you is to set the vibe for this to be a positive and growth-building experience.

If you are struggling to get this sexy conversation started, know that you are not alone. Feel free to try using one of these prompts to get the conversation started:

1. Are you interested in being blindfolded?
2. If you had to choose one, are you more interested in the dominant or the submissive role?
3. What do you already love about our sex life?

Listening to your partner bare all can be challenging but it's crucial that you fully hear what they are saying. Below are a few tips for effective communication:

- Keep an open mind to their fantasies.
- Take a breath before responding, this will give you an extra moment to think.
- Remember this is just a brainstorming exercise, try not to immediately shoot down their desires.

3. Chart out boundaries

This is where things get real. Kink is exciting! The foundation of pleasure in kink play is the essence of pushing one's sexual pleasure and boundaries. For your partner to stay within the lines, they must know where they are. This is where trust is strengthened, and consent is discussed.

It can be difficult to determine boundaries if you are new to the game. I always say, "If it is not a hell yes, then it's a hell no". Your boundaries and pleasure are constantly changing, so rest assured you will be revisiting this conversation after each act. It's important to discuss your boundaries in terms of each kinky act. If needed, write them down!

In general, try to look at BDSM as an umbrella term that encompasses sexual exploration. The bottom line is that kink play increases your emotional and physical bond with your partner. That is a type of bondage we can all get behind!

And Action!

Visit Dr. Mindy's website and follow her social for more sexpertise!
www.insight-miami.com
Instagram: @drmindydeseta